20 Ways to Engage Your Child About Their Day

Perfect for toddlers, children, tweens, teens, and families of all

As a parent or guardian, you know that it is vital to stay in the loop about your child or teen's day.  However, we often get the "I don't know" or "it was fine" response when we ask then how their day was...or at least I do :)

Here are some things that I have found are helpful and usually get me a better response.  Most of the time these lead to conversations about their day and help us as a family to stay actively involved in each other's days.

1. Ask them to give a high and low point from their day.  You could even add a high five when they say their high and a low five when they say their low.  That would be fun for active kiddos.
2. Use chalkboard place mats (you could DIY) at dinner time to draw a picture of their day and then parents have to guess what the event is.  A link for how to make one
3. Place a feeling magnet board on fridge or in car for them to pick a feeling from their day and share about it. Here is a link to buy a mood magnet or you could make your own.
4. Create a feeling face poster and put it somewhere in the house.  Each child has a certain color post-it note and can put post-its on their feelings from that day.
5. Have your child that has a cell phone take a picture of something from their day and you do the same, then at the end of the day you can swap pictures.
6. Use a decorative "talking stick" (I like to use a glitter baton) in the car and pass it around to share stories from their day.
7. Each child gets an Oreo cookie, and as you are eating it you have to share a positive (top layer), a negative (middle layer), and another positive (bottom layer) from their day.
8. During bedtime tuck in ask them something they are thankful for from that day and something they wish for tomorrow.
9. Ask for the first thing that pops into their mind about their day when you say a key word (i.e. recess, lunch, teacher, friend, classroom, etc.).
10. Play two truths and a lie from their day and you have to guess which is the lie.
11. Use play dough to make a picture or symbol from their day.
12. Trace their hand and fill in five fingers with five events from the day.
13. Have the child make a sound and you have to guess what part of the day it is from.
14. Have the child make a face and you have to guess what caused that face during the day.
15. Play balloon pass, whoever lets it touch the ground has to share a story from their day.
16. At bedtime, or even right when they get home, use "magic lotion" (just special lotion that is only used for this.  mine has sparkles) and ask if they have any hurts, inside or outside, that need to be taken care of.
17. Draw a picture on each others backs of a feeling face from some time during they day and share what caused that face.
18. Share a gold fish snack using the colored gold fish.  Label the colors with things from the day (red = recess, purple = peers, green = good things, yellow = yucky/bad things, orange = okay things)...could use small skittle or m&m packs if you want.
19. Cut up strips of different types and colors of scrap book paper.  Have child pick a few out that represent different things from their day.  For example, black paper might be something bad that happened, while sparkly pink paper is a memory of something good.
20. Play charades and take turns acting out things that happened during the day.

I always think it works better if the parent plays the game too.  This models for the child or teen how to share and that it is fun in the family to swap stories.  It also gives them insight into your day and what you do while they are not with you.

What are some other things you like to do to engage your child?

Snack in a Play Therapy Session

Snack Time

(I will preface this post with snack is not appropriate for all clients, nor is any client the same as the any other.  You have to use your discretion as a play therapist to see what would be best for them.) 

I love to end my sessions with "snack and story time" or "snack and share time."  Snack time provides a time where my client and I can have a few minutes at the end of the session to recap, set goals, build our attachment and trust to one another, and continue in our therapeutic relationship.

During the intake with the parents, I ask about any allergies and get their permission to have snack time with their child.  I then leave about 10 minutes at the end of every session for snack.  Sometimes, (mainly with the younger ones) we read a book and can process it while they eat.  Since they are eating, they are usually a fairly captive and engaged audience.  Sometimes, we play a game and have sharing time.  For example, I often use the colored gold fish as my snack.  During my first meeting with a client I might have them separate the goldfish into piles based on their colors and then assign something to each color for them to share.  I might have the red be "something that makes you mad," and the green be "something that scares you."  This provides a non-threatening, easy way for us to get to know one another.  I even play sometimes too :) 

When I was working as a school based therapist, I found that snack provide a wonderful closing to the session for a child before returning to class.  If a child had gotten really wound up and energetic during a session, they could relax and calm before returning to class.  Also, if they had experienced other strong emotions during their session, they could regain their composure before facing their peers again.

The greatness that comes from snack time:

• Builds attachment skills within the child through nurture (part of the theraplay model)
• Creates a routine and ritual that a child can rely on and find security in
• Gives the child a chance to process their session
• Can include family members to have structured sharing time before ending the session
• Can provide time to read a book to a child and family
• Gives the child a chance to soothe and calm before returning to the real world
• Gives me as the therapist an opportunity to gather information if needed by structuring a game to play with the snack
• If working with on building attachment, you can include the parent in snack time and build that bond
• Great for group therapy with children, because it can provide a structured sharing time or story time
• It is fun for the child!
• Even teenagers and adults love it and look forward to it.  Many are curious what game we will play during snack time each week.

What are your thoughts on snack time? Therapists, do you use snack time in your sessions?  Teachers, do you find benefits in snack time?  Parents, how do you feel about snack during a counseling session?

Water Beads

picture from theimaginationtree.com

At the teacher fair I attended recently, I had a bowl of water beads set up on my booth.  The response from the teachers were so positive and many asked where they could purchase them and what they are used for.  Well, here you go...

I use water beads in play therapy as a sensory experience.  When the senses are regulated then the brain can learn and absorb new things.  Water beads are fun for both boys and girls and are not going to be messy.  They are perfect for those kiddos who don't like to have residue on their hands. 

This website is about where to get water beads and different ideas that she does in her classroom with them.
http://www.teachpreschool.org/2012/05/the-wonderful-world-of-water-beads/


If I was a teacher with a classroom, I would try to keep some sort of soothing sensory tool behind or in my desk to hand to a student that was struggling with self-control.  A bowl or bag of water beads would be great for this.  Give the student a 5-10 minute timer to sit by your desk and enjoy their sensory experience.  Trust me, you will be amazed how much less energy you have to put in to discipline when you catch them before they start acting out.

What other ideas do you have for water beads?

Some other websites about water beads:
Water bead sensory tub
The wonder of water beads
32 ways to play with water beads

How can you help your child fit in at school - Part 3

Many schools in my area are starting school today.  One very important thing that parents (and teachers) can be doing to help their child feel positive about school is to provide a ritual and routine.

Rituals and routines create security and confidence in a child.  They help provide stability.  The security that a child feels when they can predict what is going to happen allows for growth, positive self-esteem, and attachment. 

So, as parents, take the time to create a morning routine and an after school routine.  Include a good-bye ritual and a re-uniting ritual.  Here are some examples:

• high-fives
• special, secret handshakes
• hugs and kisses
• "see you later alligator," "in a while crocodile"

There are endless things that you could do.  Be creative and think of what would work best for you and your child. 

Now, the tricky part is to be consistent.  Once you build a ritual, you have to maintain it.  Your child will expect this.  Try not to create a routine or ritual that is difficult to manage.  Stick to simple things that are easy for you to remember. 

Teachers can use rituals too.  Have a morning greeting for your students that you do every morning and then have a good-bye ritual.  The students will love knowing what to expect and feeling a part of your classroom.

How to help your child fit in at school - part 2

This is post 2 in a 3 part series

After your child has gotten a feel for the classroom, you can help them practice making friends and meeting new people.

This might feel silly to do as a grown-up but is fun and engaging for kids. Trust me, it has taken many years as a play therapist for me to feel comfortable being silly and making fun of myself in pretend role-play.

Here are some situations to role-play:
1.) introducing yourself to your teacher
2.) introducing yourself to new classmates
3.) re-introducing yourself to old classmates that you haven't seen all summer
4.) conversation starters for talking with new friends
5.) saying good-bye at the end of the day

Role-playing these scenarios can help your child get the kinks out if they are already social savvy, or help them learn and grow socially if they are sometimes more awkward.

How to help your child fit in at school - part 1

Here is the first of a 3 part series.

To children, school is for playing and friends. Learning is only a by-product. We have discovered through research that the more comfortable a child is in their classroom, the more they will learn and succeed.

So, the first thing you can do to help your child feel like they fit in is
TOUR THE CLASSROOM

Let your child get a feel for where their backpack will go, where they might sit, where the teacher will sit. Help them figure out how to get to their classroom and how to get to important places like the cafeteria and office.

All of this knowledge and practice in their new class will give your child an increased level of confidence and comfort going into their first day.

PS - even if you missed the official open house, you can still drop by and ask to see your child's classroom during the work day. Teachers will be up at the school preparing.

Anger Box

I recently did a raffle for an 'Anger Box' at a teacher fair that I attended.  The teachers seemed excited and interested in having one in their classrooms.  Unfortunately, only one teacher could win, so I thought I would share how you could make your own.  They can be as simple or as elaborate as you want, and you can always change it up throughout the school year.

Side note, you can call this box of tools whatever you like.  I have seen it called a 'Calm Down Box,' a 'Helper Box,' and a 'Meditation Box.'  You can pick whatever works best for you.

First, I like to use large plastic tub with a lid.  This is durable and will hold up to a lot of use.
Items that you could put in your box:
- Stress balls or some type of squeeze balls
- Play dough (they make scented play dough, which would be great but is a little more $)
- Bubbles (again, they make scented ones)
- Paper for drawing and/or journaling
- Markers and crayons
- Stuffed animal for cuddling, hugging, or talking to
- Eye mask
- Bubble Wrap (this can be loud so might be best for the hallway, but it can work wonders)
- A "mind jar" Here is a link on how to make one (I like to use a plastic water bottle rather than glass)
- A book or two
- A CD of soothing nature sounds, a cd player, and headphones
- Lavender scented lotion
- Peppermints
- A small puzzle

There are a few ways that I think work well for teachers to use their box.
1) You can instruct the student to go to the anger box, shake up the mind jar (so this can be the timer for you), and then use the box to calm down
2) You can have the student grab one thing from the anger box and then return to their desk or area to use what they chose
3) You can combine these two options by instructing the child to use the mind jar as their timer and only pick one or two items from the box to use until the glitter settles in the mind jar

I use option three the most. I find that children who are angry or upset can get overwhelmed with all of the choices in the box. 

I also like to go and talk with the student after the "timer" (mind jar) has finished.  This way I can make sure they are ready to rejoin the class.

Again, you can put lots of different things in your box.  The idea is to work the child's senses and help them to return to a point of self-regulation.  Touching soft things, squeezing things, taking deep breaths with the bubbles, smelling calming things, hearing calming things, moving in a soothing manner (like coloring), tasting calming things, can all help a child return to a state of self-control.

What are some items that you like to put in your anger box?