Approaching Parents

This post is written for teachers to help them gain confidence and feel more prepared when approaching parents about counseling for their child.  The information comes from a handout brochure I created.


The Taboo About Counseling:

Unfortunately, counseling still has a negative stigma attached, and many parents can become offended and defensive when approached by an outsider regarding counseling for their child.  However, many families and children could greatly benefit from counseling and we as professionals should not shy away from sharing this opportunity with families.

 
Many parents do not fully understand what child counseling or family counseling looks like and are therefore resistant.  Parents also worry about the financial stress that comes along with seeing a mental health professional.

How Do You Start:

Schedule a time to meet with the parent that is specifically for this discussion.

 If the parent has a strong, positive relationship with other school staff members, invite them to the meeting.

Be specific about the behaviors that you have seen and when you noticed them.  Be able to show detailed documentation if needed.  Do not speculate or give opinions.  It is very important that you stick to the facts and stay away from negatively labeling the child.  For example, even if you have 5 other children in your class that behave the same way as this child and are diagnosed with ADHD, do not tell these parents that you think their child also has ADHD.  Instead, present the facts and suggest that the child could benefit from an outside, professional opinion and/or testing.

Many parents are naturally going to feel defensive and like you are blaming them.  Work hard to let them know that you are on their side and that you know they want the best for their child.  Remind them that you can be an advocate for their child and family.

Have a specific plan.  Know the resources that your school offers and the different options that are available to parents.  Be able to give them numbers and information of professionals to contact.

What Not To Do:

Don’t assume the parents also see a problem.  Many parents are surprised or caught off guard by the topic of counseling.

Do not lose hope or give up on the family.  Sometimes it takes awhile for parents to come around to the idea, but if you are gently persistent, they often do.

Do not gang up on the family by surrounding them with lots of school officials and staff.  They may feel embarrassed already about counseling and all the extra people will add to their anxiety.

Questions often raised by teachers:

What if a parent does not see the need for counseling or denies that there is a problem?

Unfortunately, we can’t make every parent listen to our concerns.  However, I have found that the more documentation and hard facts you can present them with, along with multiple options, the more responsive they will be.  Sometimes it takes more than one meeting to get a parent on board.  Also, starting the conversation early, before things get too far, is also very helpful.  This helps keep the parent in the loop and keeps them from feeling blindsided.

 What if I talk with the family but they never take action and look into counseling?

You can try having the school counselor get involved and speak with the family.  They are trained in talking with resistant parents and sometimes having an outsider step in keeps you from having to be the “bad guy.”

 What if I think a child could benefit from counseling, but I’m not sure?

You can talk with the school counselor.  They should be able to share with you what behaviors or concerns would be helped through counseling.  If you have a positive relationship with the parents, I suggest asking them what they think.  They might have been wondering the same thing, but needed a second opinion before acting.

 What are the options that I can offer parents?

We are fortunate to be able to have many options for students.  Many schools have small groups that the school counselor conducts and this may be an option to look into.  There are also 504 plans that the school officials can work with the family on putting into place that will allow extra testing time, special testing rooms, etc.  There is also testing that is possible, along with counseling resources outside of the school.  Medication is an option, but one that most doctors would recommend trying after counseling and testing.

How to Minimize Behavioral Problems in the Classroom

A fellow play therapist wrote this article for our Arkansas Play Therapy Spring Newsletter.  I thought it would be helpful for teachers working with children as we begin a new school year.  To access the entire newsletter, you can click here .

CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT IDEAS WHICH WILL

MINIMIZE BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS

By Julie Minkel LPC RPT-S

Classroom Management Logistics:

*Play is the child’s field of study—during center time, the children are learning social skills, self-control, compassion, empathy, self-regulation, academic concepts, pre-reading skills, fine motor skills, problem-solving skills, self-worth. Support these times with your focused attention.

*Strive to have each adult in the classroom and on the playground focused and interacting directly with the children.

*Place only one adult in an area at one time—(as you position yourselves in various areas of the room and interact with the children, the effectiveness of classroom management will increase.)

*Remain at eye level with the children the vast majority of the time in the classroom. Minimize standing. This will enhance communication and make you more accessible to the children.

*When interacting with a child, position yourself in such a way as to have the widest view of the class room to supervise at all times

*Greet each child as they enter the classroom for the day (regardless of their arrival time)

*Minimize or eliminate non-child centered activities during class time (individual therapy, telephone calls, documentation).When these tasks need to be done, leave the classroom—you are emotionally unavailable, though physically present, which is confusing to children and co-workers

*Keep the classroom routine—if it changes, tell the children in advance

*Resist the temptation to have adult to adult conversations when the children are present. The children’s education is your focus—regardless of whether you are team teaching physics or preschool. (Cell phone conversations and texting should only be done outside the classroom.) Again, this creates emotional absence.

*Resist talking about the children, their disabilities, families, behaviors, etc. in their presence. When discussions are held, always keep a balanced focus on the child’s strengths and challenges. Oftentimes, in our field of behavior, there is a tendency to focus on the children’s deficits, rather than their strengths. Approach each child from a strengths-based perspective.

*When parents arrive, share a positive comment about the child’s day. Create time for the teacher to share the details and successes of the day. Pick up time is often the time of the highest incidence of accidents, since neither the teachers nor parents are clear on who is responsible for the children at that time. It is best to have the classroom assistant supervise the children while the teacher is talking w/ the parents.

Teacher/Child Interactions:

*Keep a minimum of 5:1 ratio of positive vs. directive comments to the children—(10:1 is your goal) As you are developing this habit, it is helpful to carry paper clips or buttons in one of your two pockets—transfer one object to the other pocket for each positive comment.)

As the teacher/child positive interactions increase, you will find yourself being proactive—enjoying positive behaviors in the children, rather than "policing" and "putting out fires."

*When correcting a child’s misbehavior, reflect the child’s feelings first (limits can wait for the next breath. Example: "That disappointed you, you’re sad, you were hoping to do this next,.."

*Pick your battles—ignore those behaviors which can be ignored—acknowledge the positive behaviors

*Join the child when he/she is positively engaged in an activity—minimize their mistakes/maximize their accomplishments—celebrate them!

*When transitioning an individual child from his/her on-going activity, join the child in that activity momentarily before you take him/her away from it.

*Be animated in your facial expressions--model joy!

Room Arrangement and Atmosphere:

*Create the feeling of containment in the classroom—wide open areas can escalate behaviors ( Create "cubbie" areas--this can be done with the placement of low bookshelves, rugs, sheer curtains, a tent with visibility which is large enough for a teacher and a small group, etc.) Eliminate runways .



At the end of the day, remind yourself of how valuable you are to each child and family member who will benefit for years to come, from your day’s labors!

What you can do to help your ADHD child be successful this school year

As a parent or caregiver, you can greatly influence the success of your child's school year.

First, go and meet the teacher before school starts. Most schools host an open house for families and students to see their new classroom, locker, teacher, and classmates. Meeting your child's teacher will help ease some of the anxiety your child might have. This is also a great time to let the teacher know about your child. You can ask to schedule a short meeting with them before school starts or try to relay information to them at the open house. The more the teacher knows before school starts, the more they can be prepared.

Tell the teacher about things that worked last year and things that didn't. Did your child do better sitting close to the teacher's desk or the front of the class? Did they struggle with keeping their area clean and organized?  Did you child have a special tool they used to help them focus, like clay, a pencil grip, or standing in the back of the room?  Learn the teacher's plan for sending home papers, communicating with parents, and dealing with negative behaviors.

Another thing you can do before school starts is to practice organization. ADHD kids often struggle with losing homework and assignments along with feeling overwhelmed. When you get your school supplies try to develop a simple file system that your child understands. Have fun role playing where different things go and how to keep track of his school work. This will build his confidence and help him feel ready for school. Continue to practice and work with your child many, many times on this over the first month of school. Repetition is key for ADHD. You will still have to check in on your child's organization throughout the year.

Once school gets started there are other things that you can do to influence your child's day. All children benefit from structure and routine. The predictability provides safety and security. However, ADHD children need this so much more. Without it they can feel lost. Start your mornings with predictability. If you know last year your child struggled with waking up on time, then practice before school starts and discuss with your child what works so you have a plan. Maybe this year he can shower at night and have his clothes already picked out. Maybe you keep an extra deodorant and toothbrush in the car because it was a battle every morning last year. You can pre-pack the car with his backpack and homework so he doesn't have to worry about forgetting it. I even had one family where if the child got up on time they were able to have yummy waffles or a similar hot breakfast they liked, but if they overslept they were stuck with a granola bar in the car. You will have to be creative and see what works for your family.

When your child gets home from school try and take 5-10 minutes to check their homework planner and see what they need to accomplish. I have found that it works best to have ADHD children do their homework right when they get home because all too often they forget or it turns into a battle. If you have a child who tends to rush through their homework so they can go play, try setting a timer that they can see and know they are expected to work until it goes off. Some ADHD children are easily distracted at home and the last thing they want to do is focus any more. This is especially true if their medication is starting to wear off. Try to find something that will motivate your child. Maybe for every 20 minutes of homework they do, they get 10 minutes of outside or video game time. I am a big proponent of positive motivation. As grown ups this is a part of our world. If you work hard at your job you are rewarded with a pay check and sometimes even a bonus. We can use this same sort of behavior training to help children see the value in their work and efforts.

During the school year, keep in close contact with your child's teacher(s). Make sure your child is succeeding. Often times parents feel they didn't know their child was behind or causing disruptions until it is too late. The more you communicate with the teacher, the more knowledge you will have.

Praise, praise, and more praise. Recognize your child's successes. What may seem small and trivial to parents was actually a lot of work for an ADHD child. Try to find something, even small things, to let your child know they did a good job and you noticed. Maybe it was getting up on time 4 out of the 5 days. Maybe it was only forgetting one homework assignment this week. Maybe they remembered their lunch balance was low and asked for money before you had to check. School is very hard for ADHD kids and can do a number on their self-esteem. Your encouraging words can help ease the stress and struggles of a bad day.

Warning signs you child is really struggling and might need further intervention:
- he has a large drop in his grades and can't seem to recover
- his mood has become increasingly depressed and sullen

- he seems to be holding in a lot of anger
- his teacher comments that he can't stay in his seat and is continuing to disrupt others, even after multiple interventions
- he doesn't seem to be retaining what he learned in school even though you know he is very bright
- he has not been able to make or keep his friends or has been in fights
These are a handful of signs to watch for, but it is not an extensive list. If you ever have concerns, talk with the teacher and counselor at your child's school. They will be able to help you in deciding what is best for your child.

Booth Event

Necessary Play and Fresh Roots Counseling hosted a booth at the World's Largest Baby Shower event in Springdale, AR this past weekend.  They estimated that there were over 5,000 people at the event.  This booth was a great way to get the word out about play therapy to families.

We set up the booth as a general play room, bringing various things from our offices.  We wanted parents, and children, to get a visual of how different play therapy can be.  We included two sensory trays, a puppet stage, a play area on the floor, and an art table.  We gave each child a coloring book on How to Deal with Bullying and then gave the parents our information and a brochure about play therapy created by the Association for Play Therapy. 

We had a tremendous response of families and parents that were interested in learning more about play therapy and how it is different from other types of child therapy.  I hope to do more events like this in the future to continue to promote play therapy and also do reduce the negative stigma that is often placed on counseling.

I am very thankful for my friend, and fellow play therapist, Temple Carson.  She was my partner in this booth and is a very passionate and talented counselor. 

Is my therapist a play therapist?

So, how do you know if your therapist is a play therapist? 

A play therapist must have received specialized training in play therapy and working with children.  After extensive training the counselor then receives the credentials of a Registered Play Therapist.  Therefore, the letters RPT will show up as part of their credentialing. 

There are many therapists that work with children, and that do a great job, but are not play therapists.  Playing games with children and interacting with them using dolls and puppets is playing, however it is not always play therapy.  It is important to be informed about the methods that your therapist is using.

Play therapy is empirically based (proven through research) and shown to be an effective method of counseling children and families (and even grown ups). 

If you have further questions regarding what play therapy means you can check out the resources page of this blog or other posts.

Play Therapy Best Practice

I want each person that comes to Necessary Play to have a positive experience of counseling and play therapy.  This article is from the Association of Play Therapy website and is 21 pages long, however it contains a lot of helpful information for families and parents that are either in counseling or considering it.  The article is also a good reminder for current therapists about the practice we are keeping.  Being informed about your child's counseling is important to the healing process.

Play Therapy Best Practice

Pretend Play

I am passionate about play and the power behind play.  Children naturally figure out the world through play.  As a counselor, I believe in this developmental need and in using a child's language to promote healing and meet their needs that are presented in counseling.

Here is a great post about pretend play in child development.
http://www.creativitypost.com/education/the_need_for_pretend_play_in_child_development